Just found out about 1 hour ago that I was accepted in the 1st Annual Great American Muralist Competition in Tucson, AZ from Sept 30-Oct 2, 2011.
Thanks you always for your support!
It’s midnight as I’m writing this. I just have a need to write at this hour. Maybe it’s the silence of the hour, the calm darkness that spreads across New Mexico. But one thing’s for certain. It’s dark out there. It’s also a bit dark in here. This soul, this body, this mind. If I were looking at darkness from a spiritual perspective, perhaps then everyone has a little darkness in them. Just as joy, happiness and love exists in our human selves, so can darkness, gloom, sadness. Maybe it’s a ying-yang thing. Are we meant to have darkness and happiness and everything in between. Is it normal? Darkness can mean a lot of things to lots of people. For myself, I use to fear the darkness because I always thought my life was falling apart, or someone was out to get me. Or I was painting crappy paintings in dark, muted colors. Kind of like those Turner style old English paintings, full of monochromatic or meloncholy moodness.
But if I were to look at my darkness right now, what does it show me? I feel a bit constricted, where I live, what my past paintings are like. As an artist, your past paintings define you up to this point, what your art is about. I’ve been very proud of my art for the most part of 20+years. I’ve been in over 30 exhibitions, traveled to the east coast twice last fall to do several art shows. I guess it meant something, because I didn’t wish it would happen. I MADE IT HAPPEN. I don’t give myself enough credit, I can get pretty hard on myself.
if you don’t paint for 8 hours a day, then you’re just pretending to be an artist.
That’s the voice constantly going on in my head. Pretty pathetic, huh?
I’m letting a little bit of light to combat the darkness these days though. I still am aware there may always be darkness, but it’s up to me how much I want it to control my life.
I’m handing my life to the universe. My way hasn’t worked very well. So there’s my first big step to a happier existence.
My past art belongs in the past. I must create art for today. Because I have to.
Last time we met here, I introduced you to “The Art of the Breakup”. Now, I would like to follow that up with a few provoking thoughts. As artists, we are incredibly sensitive creatures. Life imitates art, art imitates life. We don’t know whom imitates whom, but we carry on like the warriors we are and attack our next creative venture like a primitive neanderthal. So with that in mind my friends, we now journey to the center of our creative solar system. What does it look like, what could it be?
It’s in your heart, dude
Nothing mystical here, sorry for the build-up, but I’m not telling you something you don’t already know my savages. I’m a big believer that art imitates life and we are loyal followers to her magic, like a pied piper. And we still don’t know where we’re going, do we? Well that’s ok, neither do I. If we knew the outcome of our journey, do you think we would radically change our present circumstances? Maybe. But if I had a choice between choosing your heart or your mind for life’s roadmap, well if someone was seriously asking me this, I would choose my heart. The head’s role is to organize shit and make sense of life. The heart’s role is to add soul and divine human potential to any situation.
The heart knows all, feels all, sees all. People without a brain may relate to this, really. But from my own life experience, my head has caused most of the trouble in my life. I had made TONS of stupid decisions that has caused me loads of pain, financial debt, strained relationships. It may in fact take a lifetime to recover. But the good news is that the heart doesn’t give a shit about it all! Yes! Salvation! Light at the end of the tunnel! Call it what you want, but the heart didn’t get you or I in all this trouble. What is the heart’s role in this?
Unconditional love and salvation
It doesn’t care, criticize, condescend your ass, slap you in the face. It knows two emotions the best – Bliss and Pain. And many layers in between. When you ask yourself how you feel, your heart will tell you. Your head will try to sugarcoat or overthink your emotional state which will leave you more confused. You can’t fool the heart, it’s an organ of love and truth. It doesn’t like being in pain, that’s what causes heartbreak, or even heart attacks. So my advice is don’t attack your heart. Do what you can to feel good again.
Remember that break-ups, or any painful situation is temporary. Your head wants to make it feel it will last forever…FOREVER! Tell your head once in a while to shut up. Your heart will thank you for it. Now here’s a poem I wrote several days ago, but I did it to help ease my pain.
Don’t know how I’m feeling
but the pressure’s got me kneeling
for a brand new day
please help me stay
on solid ground so I can
move around like a clown.
Pay attention to beats
of a temporary broken heart
it may not pay the bills
but it will help keep you smart.
Not in the mood to create
I heard that one before.
It’s time to call your gift
before the door is no more.
But through the window glass
I see your reflection in a cereal bowl
by your human imperfections
with rose-colored eyes
and a hazy soul.