I did my usual vendor gig at the Loretto today. I have been spending much time, maybe too much time updating my website and some marketing stuff. The reason it's too much time? I have been going to bed very late, sometimes 2 or 3am. It wouldn't be so bad if I had time off the next day, but when you have a job to go to around 9am, it can get a bit rough with lack of sleep. It finally caught up to me and it affected my professionalism. For those who know me, I am a Type A when it comes to goal-setting and getting the job done. I was falling asleep, well at least dozing off by late afternoon. I had no sales, some interest in my work and some questions. I've heard stuff from potential customers, like "I can't afford it at this time" or "I'll run to the ATM and come back". I felt my display and about 40 art pieces were fine. I usually sit down in my chair and get up when I'm talking with a potential client, but for some reason I had little energy to deal with it all today. I don't know what it was, but whatever I have been going through the past week or two, and it has been a lot, it just caught up with me today. I had to look for rays of hope to get through it, so here's what I found. A great young woman who I used to work with at a local museum contacted me last week and we talked online, and said she'll stop by to see me on her lunchbreak. It's been a while since I last saw her, so when she came by in the early afternoon, I was excited to see her. We shared a hug that was electric, out of this world. I haven't felt anyone so happy to see me, you just know. We only spent about 10 minutes talking, but it was great blocking out everything else and just focusing on her. Living in the moment never felt better. Hopefully we'll get together again, but she was just the right person at the right time with a darn good hug. Where does the doughnuts come in? Towards the end of the day, there was a vendor who makes these yummy, greasy little doughnuts. At first he was going to charge $2 (normally $4), and after I said "No thanks" he decided to give them away for free. I can't resist free doughnuts. I didn't care how unhealthy it was, I just noshed it down. But of course it really didn't help my mood much, I was exhausted from the whole day. One vendor who usually stays late decided to leave early and I asked why. He said "I've had it, I've already made enough money for the day". I replied "Well that's nice, good for you". Wrong words at the wrong time! But there were a few other vendors who were great, very encouraging, saying "Don't give up, hang in there" What else am I going to do, quit? I'm not a quitter. Now retiring is another story, but I don't believe in that either. Maybe I like pain, or I'm just too committed to my artlife, knowing how important this vendor gig could be in my life. Yes I felt sorry for myself because everyone around me appeared to have a great day. The crowds were good, more vendors out here than I have seen yet. But I'm hopeful my time will come too. I was really down and saw what negativity can do. Maybe people saw the look on my face instead of the usual pride and excitement I present. I'll try to improve my game, my booth, my art because I owe it to myself. I'll even paint at my booth because being bored, sitting down doing nothing but watch the crowd pass by my booth is not healthy to bear. I will try a more positive approach and do my job better.
I could only do my best one day at a time.