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I’m taking a 10-day blog challenge by Natalie Sisson, the suitcase entrepreneur who is an inspiring artist of a lifestyle I would like to attain.  Let’s go!

Day 2

Today is discovering your WHY?  Why do I want to have this type of lifestyle?  The interesting part of doing these exercises is not just so I can have an honest assessment of myself, but perhaps you can have one as well.  So I’ll take you through some stuff of my past I went through first.  Sometimes you have to work backwards to move forwards.  So here’s a quick backstory of my life.

On a different planet far away and long ago…

As a kid growing up in suburbia, New Jersey, I had a double life of prisoner and freedom fighter.  My parents went through a divorce, I started traveling to see my dad in Lambertville, NJ and also went on trips to California every summer.  I loved going there because it was so different than life on the east coast.  I sensed right away the beauty and magic of the place.  Going through the mountain tunnels, riding the waves on the beaches, going to Disneyland and Universal studios.  I noticed that was true freedom because once I got back home, I was very miserable and confined.  I was scared of coming out of my room, and I lost myself in music and my imagination.  When I wasn’t in my room, I walked around in the nearby forest behind my house.  That was also true freedom.

Freedom meant escaping the reality of your spoon-fed world by family/society and creating your own.  I believe being brought up in an unstable, strict and dysfunctional and emotional family background forced me to become self-reliant and more independent.  But it also produced feelings of lacking in trusting people later on.  I had to look out for myself and always made to feel guilty about it.  I was often called selfish for not putting others first.  I had an aunt who saw potential in me as an artist.  She bought my first art sets when I was a teenager.  This was before I knew I wanted to be an artist.  At that age, I just wanted a peaceful family and existence, not to be scared or angry at the world.

Fast forward, freedom came in different stages and moments.  From living away for the first time.  To living in another state, then traveling cross-country, driving your own car, being unemployed and having the freedom to travel and pursue your art full-time.  Then moving across the world and starting a new life again.  So in a nutshell, freedom is really a series of events that comes from a certain mindset.  I believe it begins inward and eventually manifests to your outer world.

Freedom means liberating yourself

Nowadays, the freedom I desire is to be liberated from my own self-beliefs that are weighing me down.  Negative thoughts that affect my self-esteem, my talents.  Stuff that has lingered and stuck with me like fleas on a dog.  Yes, I’m the dog.  Being aware of your own personal shortcomings is growing to that next stage I believe.  It has to be, because once you’re aware, things can now change.  So of all the traveling I have done literally since day 1 (we moved to Arizona after I was born, then back to New Jersey, Connecticut, then back to NJ).  I somehow planted roots in different areas.  So going back to the main question, “Why is freedom so important to me?”  It’s actually quite simple.  I need it to thrive and survive.  It makes my heart alive and all things are possible.  I also know what confinement of the spirit all too well.  There are things I cannot go back too.  My spirit is meant to go forward, not backwards.  Freedom requires responsibility.  You must own up to it.  I’ve fallen on hard times a lot, but you have to keep going.

Freedom is time…time to use it wisely

And perhaps most important, freedom is time.  You can control your time.  What you want to do with it is all up to you.  Finding focus and purpose are my current greatest challenges to gain more freedom.  So what I’m trying to say is that the road to freedom never ends.  Unless you want it too, but I can’t imagine that either.