early morning confessions

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This is one of those times where you have to be proud to toot your own horn.  I would be doing an incredible disservice if I kept up an illusion that I know what the heck I’m doing.  Let me tell you, as I’m typing at 5am, yes another nighter in fact, I’m probably not making much sense in the fact that I can think so clearly at this hour yet I’m tired, I feel alive.  Very alive.  Guilty as charged.  I switched new themes, been working the last few days like a madman trying to come up with the perfect web theme for my site.  Something to represent who I am and what I’m about.  Well, I’m here to say about my discovery for all of you to hear.

I failed in my mission.  So here’s my early morning confession.

There is no perfect web theme.  For you.  For me.

There’s no perfect anything except what mother nature provides.

To be successful you have to be pretentious.  Are you serious?  I have been battling this for ages.  And it came and hit me like a brick wall tonight.  I deserve to hit this wall.

I wasn’t been authentic to myself.  About my work, website theme, anything.

Well, it’s time to face my own reality and get real.

I am a good artist, real good.  I’m not the best, because then I would be comparing myself to others.  And that’s stupid, because we all have our own strengths, weaknesses.

I’m no better than you, you’re no better than me.  We’re all on this journey together in search of something.

And maybe we’re not suppose to find out what it is.

Maybe the universe within us is suppose to be a secret.

Do animals constantly worry and amuse themselves with the questions of the universe?

I’m not just an artist, but a writer, blogger, traveler who loves prog music

Ok, now I know I’m rambling, but the filter has come off and I love it.  Expression at its rawest.  I’m in full-force tonight!  Or this morning, does it matter.  Time is time and we’re living one moment…are we really living each moment?

I felt like I wasted a million years looking and marveling at other artists’ websites because as soon as I was done, I saw someone else’s and felt like it wasn’t good enough.

Well this is where a part of me stood up and shouted from within…

“See the light, be happy with what you have, this is it.  You are you, live with it.”

The inner voice has finally come to life.  The present moment is alive and it feels what life

is supposed to feel like.  And I want to stay in this state forever.

What does all this have to do with my art anyway, have I really gone off the deep end this time?  Beyond what my site looks like, it’s a small piece of my world I’m willing to share.

That’s why I care so much.  I have this crucial, persistent desire to bare out everything because hiding is not an option for me.  This is my art.  This is my site.  Live with it.  Breathe it in and go to bed.  And now I will.  Here’s my new art, they are everything I am at this moment.  Send some love this way and be good to yourself too.